I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
