wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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