don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
