Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
