Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
