I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
