does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
