Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
