I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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