Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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