sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
