You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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