We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
