Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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