I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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