Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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