Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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