how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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