I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
