First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
