I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
