happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
