That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
