The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
