Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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