the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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