Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
