Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
