Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
