my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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