after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They are going to name an STD after you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
