Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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