I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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