haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
