Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
