Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
