Plan B is the new Plan A
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
