I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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