You work out of a Hotel?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
