can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
