Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
