she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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