my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
