I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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