Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
