nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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