Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
