After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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