What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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