Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
