Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
