she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
