bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Randomize
