I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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