Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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