Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A+ Viking dick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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