Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
