Someone shit on the floor
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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