Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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