haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
