I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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