butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
