Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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