wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
