we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
