end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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