my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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