he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
