i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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