Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
