i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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