The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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