Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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