I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
