she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
