3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
